the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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