I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
