my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
