me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
