Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
