in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
do herpes really smell.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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