my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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