We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
