Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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