Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
