I got chris browned last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
