then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
