a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
