Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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