im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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