My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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