Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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