God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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