i barfeds in our rink
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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