I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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