I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
