how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
