Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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