AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
