Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
