Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
