I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
