We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
