oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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