It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
