i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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