I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
