I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
