I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
