put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
