SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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