i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize