I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
