I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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