'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Boobs are out for the taking
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
