Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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