I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
