Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
