They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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