So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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