the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
