Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
