There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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