My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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