I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
