just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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