ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
