I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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