I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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