dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
