I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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