literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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