peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
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It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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