Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
