im about as happy as oj after his trial
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I touched a dick in church today
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