Only a mothe r could love this liver
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
