It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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