I checked into jail on foursquare
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
