So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
