this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
