smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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