he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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