I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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