i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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