OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
