Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
