I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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