alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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