i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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