My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
