dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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